Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

One Sunday recently, my wife and children and I went to visit family friends, and in the noise and chaos of the children's playing around us, we started talking about lying. Not lying in bed asleep (although for parents of young children this is what they frequently dream about!), but not telling the truth. We quickly reached the conclusion that lying generally receives bad publicity. Whether we like it or not, the ability to communicate false messages is a vitally important lifeskill. If you don't believe it, think about the last time your mother asked you if she looked nice in that horrible new dress she bought!
Our friend declared that he was quite proud of the fact that his children were able to lie, which, at first, was shocking, but when I listened to what he had to say about it, I understood better what he meant. When you think that a child learns absolutely everything through experience at the beginning, it is really a giant step forward when the child is able to tell the difference between real and unreal, true and false, and be confident enough to know that what is being described is not real. Then, added to that, the child knows that describing an imagined situation will bring benefits ('I already asked Mummy, and she said I could have a sweet', or 'Did you hit your brother?' -'No').
While I can also quite happily declare that I'm proud that my children possess this ability, I am more proud of the fact that thay choose to admit to what they have done wrong (at least for now -I'm sure that will change soon enough), and that they only tell untruths when they are playing ('Daddy I'm a motorbike!).
Our friend then said that lying is necessary in business, which I agreed with to a certain extent. A character in one of Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels came from a tribe where almost nobody had the ability to tell a lie. For this reason, the ones who had this gift were nominated to the position of tribal liers, and it was they who were sent to negotiate and trade with other tribes. The example our friend gave, however, was of a different situation. He claimed that when dealing with subordinates who have made mistakes, a manager had to lie, and praise them, although he'd really like to just shout and swear at them. I was also surprised at this theory. In all the years I have had people work under me, I don't think I have ever felt the need to lie to them.
Of course, there is the question of diplomacy -I would never tell anyone they were rubbish, but there is also the question of propriety -of discussing the proper topic with the proper person. If one of my subordinates -at any time in my career- asked me if I thought they were ugly, pretty, in good shape, a good singer etc., I don't think that would have any effect on our work relationship. I would answer diplomatically, as I would if anybody asked me.
There is a saying "The truth, however ugly, is good. A lie, however beautiful, is bad." With this in mind, I wonder just how successful you can be as a manager if you lie to your staff. I much prefer to tell my staff what I really think about their ideas, work and input. The trick, though, is to make sure they know that these are your feelings, and not facts. "I think that you could have done better" is a fact, explaining the way you think. Such a statement can lead to discourse, as youmay discuss how the work could have been better, and a next step (or steps) can be planned together. "That is hopeless" is a useless phrase which has no positive quality whatsoever. In addition, it is stating your -highly subjective- opinion as a fact. This, in its own way, is a big lie, and one that is definitely bad.